i’m crying so much. 
I feel that no matter how hard i try, i can never get something right.
i’ll never be good enough.
I’m just tired of everything. i feel like iv’e already lived 80years.
life doesn’t have the same charm it use to when i was a child.
honestly wouldn’t mind dying right now… 
i need someone to hold me…… 

i gained weight.
awesome, just what my parents wanted.
i try so hard to make everyone happy, i never think about my own happiness.
The one time i want something for myself (20lbs till i become art) someone has to get in my way. my parents told me i was selfish for having an ed, that im splitting the family apart. She said my father would rather leave us than watch me do this to myself. its always about everyone. i’m always left in the shadows. i can never be happy…

and now that everyone is perking up a little, i look like a fat disgusting 9yr old. because i have the body of a child. and i now walk around with a belly full of that poison people call food. it’s horrible. And i havn’t been able to purge in 5days… i use to purge 3 times a day. this sucks. and even if i purge again, my parents will notice im not gaining weight. fuck my life

fucking gaining weight. because my parents are making me. because they know i have an ed. i feel disgusting… its been 3days of eating like a “regular person”. they took my diet pills… i don’t even know for how much longer i can keep purging till they realize im not gaining as much weight. i feel guilty. this sucks. 
im scared of gaining weight. i hate that this is happening to me.. 

-my parents took my scale.
-my parents hid or threw out my scale.
-haven’t weighed myself in 48hours.. 
-i’m dyeing. 
-i’m crying.
-i probably gained weight.
-i feel disgusting.. 

i honestly would rather be dead right now… 

played around with some black lipstick. this is what i do in my free time. 

To my followers.
to the sad, the broken, the empty, the ones that cry at night, the cutters, the purgers, the heart-broken, the abused, the stressed, the depressed, the confused. TO WHOM IT MAY APPLY. 

i’m not sure if anyone’s going to read this. i don’t care.
 or if anyone cares. They don’t.
 but i just need to vent.
lately iv’e been feeling sad again. i’m back to crying myself to sleep, cutting, hiding from my emotions and struggling to smile. I honestly thought those days were over.
I thought i was happy. guess i’m not…
But everything is triggering for me. Today someone asked me what makes me happy. I didn’t know how to respond, nor what to say. such a simple question, yet i struggled to find words. I held back tears.
everything triggers this empty feeling.
i don’t even feel alive anymore.
i don’t see what’s the point..
Nothings making me smile..
nothing. 

SORRY? more like my life is over, and i’m forced to go to bed early…

.and breathing. 

(Source: broken-disaster)